Clint Eastwood Youth Program - CEYP Newsletter

Issue 11: Helping your children “just say no”

issue11.pdf

Parents have been called the “antidrug” for good reason. Studies demonstrate that children whose parents let them know that using drugs/alcohol is unacceptable are more likely not to use. Parents have considerable influence on the behavior of their teenagers and shaping their values. It is oversimplifying to tell parents (or kids) to “just say no.” We need to teach our children the skills they need to ward off pressures. Here are a few “ideas” for helping children problem-solve how to “just say no.”

Setting the Stage

1. Set clear rules, and discuss the consequences of breaking them in advance. Don’t make empty threats or let your children off the hook if they break the rules. Impose the consequences you have discussed.
2. Consistently enforce the rules; every time a child breaks the rules, the “punishment” should be enforced.
3. Punishments should be reasonable, negative consequences. Overly severe punishments may create a problem between the parent and child rather than result in compliance.
4. Set a curfew. Enforce it strictly, but be willing to negotiate special occasions.
5. Have kids check in at regular times when they’re away from home or school. Give them clear rules and the means to respond: “When I beep you, I expect a call back within 15 minutes.”
6. Call parents when a party is being held. On party night, don’t be afraid to stop in to say hello (and to make sure that adult supervision is in place).
7. Let your children know that you expect to know “Who, What, Where, When, What time,” etc. before they are allowed to attend any function.
8. Make it easy for your children to leave a party where drugs or alcohol are being used. Discuss in advance how to signal you (or another designated adult) to come pick them up the moment they feel uncomfortable.
9. Listen to your instincts. Don’t be afraid to intervene if your gut reaction tells you that something is wrong.

Resistance Tools

• Talk with your children about situations they may encounter, and encourage them to talk with you about any experiences they or their friends have had and how they resolved them.
• Help your children pick “excuses,” things they can say to get out of an inappropriate situation: “My parents would ground me for life if I …”; “I’m an athlete, I don’t want to mess up my performance.” Having the words already picked out makes it easier to think of them in a stressful situation.
• Help your kids develop a “broken record” technique. Have them identify one or two short phrases they would be comfortable using to refuse drugs or alcohol. Encourage them to practice these phrases until they roll off the tongue as easily as “Mooooomm” or “No!” Instruct them to repeat their refusal over and over until attempts at persuasion cease.
• Set up practice situations: role-play with your children; help them practice their resistance skills. Take the role of a friend trying to persuade them to share a six-pack of beer. What could they say? “You’re such a jerk!” is alienating. “I don’t know...” leaves the door open for additional coaxing. Answers that are firm but friendly work best. Help your children rehearse key phrases that give reasons for why they won’t have a beer (smoke a cigarette, try a joint, cut class, etc):
  • “My parents would kill me if they found out, and they always find out!”
  • “No, I’m not into that stuff.”
  • “I tried it once, and I hate the taste.”
  • “My parents trust me not to drink, and I don’t want to break that trust.”
  • “I tried it once and ended up vomiting on everything!”
  • “Drinking would make me feel out of control, and I hate that.”
• Changing the subject can also be effective: “Did you watch the basketball game last night?” or “Hey, do you know if that concert’s sold out?”
• Help your children figure out what to do if all else fails: They can leave, call in reinforcements (another friend, adult), call home, pretend to be called, etc.

Parents and the other influential adults in an adolescent’s life make a difference; use your influence wisely!