Clint Eastwood Youth Program - CEYP Newsletter

Issue 18: Should I say something…or is it just a stage?

issue18.pdf

Alcohol and drug use is a problem that affects all of us, some more directly than others. It is a topic that is often difficult to discuss. What do you do when you think someone you care about is using drugs? You could avoid the topic, wait and see if things get better, or you could take an “intervention” approach. Particularly when dealing with a teenager, meeting the problem head-on is generally the best approach. And it could ultimately save the teen’s life. All too often, adolescents lack the maturity to foresee the potential consequences of their actions. This immaturity, which is developmentally appropriate, frequently leads them to indulge in impulsive and risky behaviors. They need the adults around them to be responsible because they are not yet responsible themselves.

If you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs, ACT; don’t wait.

Taking the Steps

1. Get input.Talk with key people in your teen’s life: teachers, coaches, friends’ parents. Ask questions like: “Are you seeing changes in John’s behavior?” “I’ve noticed John is hanging out with a different group of kids, his grades have changed, his interests are different, etc. Do you know what might be causing this change?” “Have you had any suspicion that John is using drugs or alcohol?”
2. Be open to information.It can be difficult to hear the answers to these questions, especially if your fears are confirmed. And it is natural to want to deny information that doesn’t fit what you want to believe. But allow yourself to hear what others have to say. Let them know you appreciate their honesty, thank them for their input, and consider what they have told you.
3. Be easy on yourself.If the information you get confirms your suspicions, you are likely to feel angry, scared, upset, etc. Even though you have asked for the information, you may be upset by it. Give yourself a little time to think about what you have heard, what you suspect, what you know, and what the best next step is.

Preparing the Talk

Things to Think About

• When would be the best time to talk?
• When is your child likely to be sober but not hung-over?
• When is your child most receptive?
• Who should be there for the intervention?
• What is the most important information you want your child to hear?

Write Down Your Concerns

• Rehearse what you want to say.
• Voice concerns with “I” statements: “I am worried because your grades have dropped”; “I am concerned about the crowd you are hanging out with”; “I suspect you are using drugs because I found this ‘bong’ ”; “I want to talk about your using alcohol because you appear to be angry more often”; etc.
• Use language that demonstrates your love and concern, not your anger.
• List the evidence you see: “You are in trouble at school for having marijuana”; “Your sleeping patterns have changed”; “I smell alcohol/marijuana”; etc.
• It may be helpful to have others involved — teachers, friends, relatives.

What Next?

• Research treatment options. Contact treatment facilities — in the phone directory, look for Drug Abuse and Addiction Information, Alcoholism Information and Treatment, Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula Recovery Center (Clint Eastwood Youth Program), Internet – Drug Abuse and Addiction Information, Internet – Alcoholism Information and Treatment; consult your family doctor, therapist; etc.
• Be very clear about the next steps (“I want you to get help”; “I am making an appointment with...”; etc). Avoiding the topic or hoping it is “just a stage” can be life threatening; it puts your teenager at risk for injury, overdose, motor vehicle accidents, legal consequences, and death. While you may dread the thought of an intervention, you are demonstrating to your teenager that you love him or her. While you do not approve of this behavior, you care enough to risk your child’s anger and to want to protect him or her from harm. It may take years for your child to appreciate this concern, but many adolescents in recovery will tell you that getting them help, even when they did not want it, helped save their lives.