Clint Eastwood Youth Program - CEYP Newsletter
Issue 23: Why is being a teenager (or the parent of a teenager) so hard?
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Teens today face a complicated and difficult world; they
contend with many pressures and problems.
- School pressure: Pressure to get passing/good grades and get into college, problems with teachers, problems with social groups and fitting in, and attention and comprehension/learning problems are some of the most common school-related issues.
- Drugs and alcohol: Drugs and alcohol are rampant on school campuses; a variety of illegal and prescription drugs are available for the asking.
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- Peer pressure: There is often pressure from others about sex, drugs/alcohol, cutting school, cheating, popularity, etc.
- Physical and emotional problems: Teenagers have a high rate of diabetes, obesity, and other physical health problems, as well as suicide, depression, anxiety, and attention issues.
- Self-image: Fitting in, body size, having the “right” clothes, and sexual identity are issues for most teens.
- Confusion about social values: Children and teens are bombarded with many social/media images (about money, body size, social relationships, what life is supposed to be like, etc.) that can conflict with what they learn at home, in church, or at school.
- Media/sound overload: Mass amounts of information are distributed through computers, television, cell phones, and music.
What about the parents?
Parents, too, can be overwhelmed as their children move into the troublesome teens. A few of the many issues parents are faced with include:
- Concern over adolescent development: Parents worry about how their children will manage the inevitable exposure to “sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”
- Financial concerns: Teen needs — clothes, school books and supplies, electronics, a computer, a car, insurance, gasoline, college, etc. — are costly.
- Conflicting obligations: Many parents are sandwiched between their children/adolescents’ needs and those of their aging parents.
- Loss of revered-parent status: Most parents don’t want to admit it, but they enjoy it when their children look up to them and think they know the answers to everything. As adolescence approaches and kids start seeing their parents as “stupid,” “mean,” “unnecessary,” and “out of date,” it can be a tremendous loss that is difficult not to take personally and may lead to a loss of self-esteem for parents.
- Decisions become more difficult: How much supervision? How much do you pull back? How much do you ask of your adolescents? What should you do to help them prepare for their independence?
Growing up, but not yet grown
Adolescents may look like adults on the outside, and may make very good decisions and handle themselves well in many situations, but they are not adults. They still need parental care, involvement, and judgment.
Parents need to stay involved, even when their kids ignore them. Dealing with teenagers might be compared to dealing with toddlers: You need to let them explore while you stay within protection range (but be out of sight), so that you’re available when they need help or get into trouble. Teenagers are complex, difficult to understand, and parents need to be able to perform a balancing act — kind of like walking a tightrope in the dark holding two squirming cats, with Metallica blaring in the background.
It’s up to you as a parent to maintain contact with your kids, even if you encounter conflict. Your role as a parent is to help your children become responsible adults, to teach them to do the right thing, and to get them help when they are having difficulty managing their world. Remember, the Clint Eastwood Youth Program is here if you need us.