Clint Eastwood Youth Program - CEYP Newsletter
Issue 33: What’s the big deal with self-esteem?
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Most of us know that self-esteem is considered desirable, possibly even a necessity; but what makes self-esteem so important?
Low self-esteem can lead to:
- anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression.
- problems with friendships and other relationships.
- performance problems at school and work.
- underachievement.
- increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse.
- fear of trying new things.
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feeling unloved and unwanted- blaming others for your own shortcomings.
- feeling emotionally indifferent.
- a lower tolerance for frustration.
- difficulty seeing your own talents and abilities.
- being more easily influenced by others (and possibly making more high risk decisions).
On the other hand, positive self-esteem increases the chances of healthy, happy relationships; makes asking for help and support easier; and increases problem-solving and goal-directed behavior. In other words, positive self esteem can help you accept who you are and to live your life to the fullest.
The development of self-esteem begins in early childhood and continues throughout life, so it’s never too late to improve how you feel about yourself.
Tips for parents: Build up your children’s self-esteem from the outside-in
- Praise. Praise is best when specific to actions. (“I’m proud that you were so focused about getting your homework finished.” “I like how you stood by your friends.”)
- Listen, really listen. Stop the other things you are doing and listen, paying attention to both the words and emotions.
- Speak respectfully to your children and to others.
- Give your children time and attention. Do things together — play a game, show up for sporting events, help with homework, watch TV together — and let your children know how much you value them just for being them.
- Get your children/teens involved in activities that support their natural abilities — sports, debate team, volunteer activities, helping neighbors, etc.
Tips for kids: Improve your own self-esteem from the inside-out
- Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep; eat healthfully; exercise; enjoy fun, relaxing times both on your own and with friends/family.
- Reward yourself for your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you are proud; celebrate; spend time with friends; give yourself compliments.
- Take credit for, and frequently remind yourself of, your strengths and achievements.
- Acknowledge when you are successful; forgive yourself when you don’t get to everything you plan to do or when things don’t go the way you want.
- Make — and add to — a list of things you’re good at.
- Give yourself at least two compliments every day. (“I was a good friend to Jill today.” “I did better on that test than I thought I would.”) Sometimes putting these is writing and posting them someplace visible is helpful.
- Remind yourself repeatedly that you have value, regardless of your size, color, or age. You have value just by being you.
- Recognize what you can change and what you can’t. If you can make a change, do it; if it’s something you can’t change (such as height), work on accepting it or seeing the positive side of it.
- When your inner voice makes negative comments, shut it up. When you stop the voice, you take away its power to discourage you and put you down.
- Don’t dwell on your weaknesses. Focus instead on your strengths. Train your inner voice to give you positive messages. Do you use negative words when you talk to yourself? Stop putting yourself down! Actually tell the inner voice to “Stop!” when you catch it giving you a negative message. Then replace the thought with a positive one and repeat, repeat, repeat.
- Don’t get caught up searching for perfection. Instead, aim for accomplishment. Think about what you’re good at, what you enjoy, and go for it.
- View mistakes as opportunities to learn. Mistakes are part of learning and everyone makes them. Mistakes can be a path to developing your talents.
- Experiment with different activities. This gives you an opportunity to develop new skills and may lead to discovering hidden talents and “likes.”
- Set goals. Break down larger goals into small, doable goals. Think about what you would like to accomplish, then make a plan and track your progress.
- Volunteer to help someone else. Knowing that you’re making a difference, that your help is valued, helps build self-esteem as it improves the lives of others.
- Have fun! Set your mind to enjoying what you’re doing — whatever it is.
If you’re a teen suffering from low self-esteem, or the parent of one, try putting these techniques into action, even if they seem silly or as though they’re not solving the real problem. Practice repeatedly and you may find that your feelings begin to change.
Parents, if you need help with an adolescent who is experiencing depression or low self-esteem, or who is using/abusing drugs and/or alcohol (often a symptom of low self-esteem), we’re here to help.