Clint Eastwood Youth Program - CEYP Newsletter
Issue 34: The hidden faces of low self-esteem
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Do you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions?
Do you act happy and successful, but live in fear of being called “poser”? Do you need constant success to feel good? Do you struggle with perfection, procrastination, competition, or burnout? Do you feel like an imposter?
Do you act like the opinions of others, particularly people in charge, don’t matter? Do you worry about not being good enough, yet feel the need to prove that criticism/judgment don’t hurt you? Do you blame others for your difficulties, fight authority, or constantly break the rules? Are you a rebel?
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Are you helpless, unable to cope with the world, just waiting for your knight or princess to come to your rescue? Do you use indifference or self-pity as a shield against taking responsibility for making changes in your life? Do you constantly look to others for guidance? Do you rely on others in relationships, lack assertiveness skills, or consistently underachieve? Do you feel like a loser?
These characteristics/qualities are often symptoms of low self-esteem. You may be able to hide the fact that you don’t feel good about yourself, but low self-esteem is like a shadow — it’s ever-present, if not always visible.
Raising your self-esteem
Steps to raising self-esteem are difficult, but doable. Decide this is something you really want to do and you can do it. Remember, you are not powerless.
Listen for your inner voice. How does it speak to you? Be quick to take corrective action when needed.
If the voice...
. . . is harsh,
"The teacher liked my paper, but it really wasn’t as good as it could be. I can’t believe she didn’t notice the . . ." |
rephrase the words with reassurance.
"Whoa, she liked it! Maybe it wasn’t the best, but I worked hard on it and did a pretty good job. I’m proud of myself." |
. . . is generalized or unrealistic,
"I’m such an idiot; I don’t understand anything. How did I ever get in honors class?" |
be specific to the situation.
"OK, I didn’t do well on the test, but I’m doing OK in class and can do better if I study and ask for help." |
. . . jumps to conclusions,
"He’s laughing; he isn’t even looking at me, but I know he’s laughing at me." |
look for other explanations.
"Hmm, he’s laughing. Maybe he’s on the phone, or someone told a joke. Should I ask?" |
. . . catastrophizes,
"She turned me down. I’m so pissed! No one likes me, I’ll never have a girlfriend, I’ll die alone." |
be objective.
"Man, that hurts! She doesn’t want to be with me. It’s going to bug me for awhile, but I know I’m a good person and I’ll find someone else when I’m ready." |
Take care of yourself
- Sleep, eat, exercise, etc.
- Have fun; plan to do things you enjoy (massage, garden, meditate, go to a movie, etc.).
- When you accomplish something, reward yourself.
- Focus on your strengths and achievements.
- Be forgiving if you don’t get everything you set out for.
- Even if you don’t feel you deserve it, nurture yourself.
Ask for help
- Ask for support.
- Encourage friends to tell you two things they like about you.
- Ask friends or family to listen to you “vent” without trying to “fix” things.
- Ask someone who loves you to remind you of that.
- Take classes or try out activities that increase your sense of competence.
- Get professional help (therapy).
Self-esteem helps you to feel good about yourself. It helps you withstand the pain and disappointments that come with life, and to find the inner voice of reason (the one that keeps you from taking unsafe risks). Cultivate your self-esteem and the esteem of those you love. Remember, we’re here to help.