Mid-life
Crisis or renaissance?
Last night when you went to sleep, you were 20 years old, with what seemed like your whole life ahead of you. This morning, you woke up, stretched, and felt an unfamiliar catch in your hip as you wandered to the bathroom. As you gazed into the mirror, shaking the slumber out of your system, you found a 45-year-old near-stranger staring back at you. How did this happen overnight?
Middle age is like that. It creeps up, virtually unnoticed while you’re busy with the distractions of daily life, then hits you like a jury summons at a most unexpected and inconvenient time, leaving you stressed, confused, and determined to get out of it.
It wasn’t that long ago you were making life plans. By the time you were accepted to college, you were ready to experience “the best four years of your life,” followed by graduation, a brief but fruitful job search, and then that promising position. You’d meet and marry your mate just a few years out of school and be blessed with children by the time you reached 26, maybe 28. You’d raise them happily and well, then send them off to college about the time you hit your mid-40s.
You could only imagine the possibilities at that point. Maybe you’d scale down the family home to a condo with gardening services and clubhouse privileges, then travel the world with your spouse, retire early, and train for a marathon — or at least manage menopause on your own terms.
The plan kicked into action right on schedule. You graduated from college in four wonderful years. You met and married your sweetheart only a few years later than expected. But the kids didn’t come. Not for another 10 years.
By the time you hit 45, you had a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old, bound for first grade and preschool, not college.
And then your dad died, leaving your mother, afflicted with depression and diabetes, in your care. Your hip started acting up again, and the early signs of menopause were relentless. The condo and the clubhouse, the travel and the training would have to wait.
Middle age is long anticipated but rarely predictable. Especially when it hits right in the middle of a dynamic life, bringing with it any manner of unanticipated physical and emotional life changes.
“A critical aspect of reaching midlife,” says Martin Skerritt, a licensed clinical social worker and mental health therapist for Community Hospital, “is that people often become much more aware of their own aging process and health issues than ever before, at a time when they may still be providing care to their children and suddenly taking care of their parents on some level as well.”
Statistically, says Skerritt, more people are marrying and having children later in life, at a time when they traditionally would have been dealing with other issues, like the empty nest syndrome and the needs of their parents. The result is the sandwiching of demands from the generations above and below, leaving less time and fewer resources for self.
Regardless of when or even if we have children, middle age is a time that many of us find ourselves multitasking like never before. It is a time when wisdom, knowledge, and experience — and the ability to apply them in the workforce, the social sector, and the home — are at their zenith.
But contrary to popular behavior, we’re not superheroes. The pace we keep can leave us feeling fatigued, overwhelmed, depressed, confused, disappointed, and even guilty that we’re just not keeping up, doing enough, or satisfying everyone. As if we could.
“Psychologically,” says Skerritt, “mid-life can be a time when there are multiple demands to meet from family, work, and the other significant ways in which we commit ourselves. This all can be occurring at a time in our lives when we may have less stamina and less energy, a time we become more aware of our own mortality and turn greater attention to health concerns and hormonal shifts.”
At middle age, we have potentially lived half our lives; but with any luck, we still have much to look forward to. When time permits, there’s the inclination to reflect on where our lives have been and where we’d like them to go. But it’s hard to get quiet enough to pause and reflect with a toddler on one hip, a soccer game in 10 minutes, and an ailing parent waiting patiently in the car.
“That’s just it,” says occupational therapist Kay Lee. “Many of us are part of this ‘sandwich generation,’ caring for both our aging parents and our growing children. In fact, nearly 44 million adults are providing unpaid care to another adult. The medical advances achieved in our lifetime have extended life spans for our parents, but they’re not necessarily healthier years. As healthcare expenses rise while government benefits shrink, there is a recognized need for increased know-how — not just managing physically but also stretching the dollars without jeopardizing our own financial future.”
Help comes from actively pursuing the information and support needed to negotiate this difficult terrain. When family members are not enough, seek out professionals who can assist with caregiving, counselors or support groups that can help bring clarity and empathy to a difficult situation, and lectures or literature for the wisdom and experience of others.
“We cannot generalize the experience of how one will adapt and cope with mid-life,” Skerritt says. “Your experience during middle age is unique to your own circumstances, outlook, culture, and personal predicaments.” Skerritt suggests that the support you receive, the resources you tap, and your own degree of struggle play a significant role in the way you view your life. “This is the time,” he says, “ to reach out for help and support where it is available.”
Skerritt says that middle age can also be a time of renaissance or reawakening. “Despite stress, this can also be a time in which people begin
to seek out new ways to redefine and enrich their lives. Many people make very significant changes in their lives during mid-life.” Some will find new careers, some will become more creative, some will take up new interests, and some will find new ways to replenish themselves. “This can be a time of positive change,” Skerritt says. “Again, it depends on your experience and approach.”
Middle age — crisis or renaissance? It’s really up to you. 
What can you do for your health?
The American Cancer Society recommends the following cancer screenings:
Breast
- Clinical breast exam
Every 3 years, ages 20–39
Annually, starting at age 40; performed prior to mammography
- Mammography
Annually, starting at age 40
- Self-examination
Optional, monthly, starting at age 20
Colorectal
- Annual fecal occult blood test (FOBT) and flexible sigmoidoscopy
every 5 years, starting at age 50 — OR
- Flexible sigmoidoscopy
Every 5 years, starting at age 50 — OR
- FOBT
Annually, starting at age 50 — OR
- Colonoscopy
Every 10 years, starting at age 50 — OR
- Double-contrast barium enema (DCBE)
Every 5 years, starting at age 50
Note: Flexible sigmoidoscopy combined with FOBT is preferred to
FOBT or flexible sigmoidoscopy alone.
Prostate
- PSA blood test and digital rectal exam (DRE)
Annually, starting at age 50
Cervix
- Pap test and pelvic examination
Annually, starting approximately 3 years after start of vaginal
intercourse but no later than 21 years of age
(If three consecutive normal tests, screening may be every 2–3
years.)
Cancer-Related Checkup
- Every 3 years, ages 20–39; annually, starting at age 40
(Checkup should include examination for cancers of the thyroid,
testicles/ovaries, lymph nodes, oral cavity, and skin.
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